Several Short Scripts
by Pinkchibs
Summary: Four Short Dark Hetalia Plays... Germany reliezes something about Switzerland, Italy surrenders, America's actions become less than heroic, and France plans a beauty pageant. Some may find this humor offensive, by the way! T for language and slight themes


_**Author's Note : Sorry if some people find this offensive, but I'm just trying to make you guys laugh. Also, if I have any major facts wrong, feel free to chew me out!**_

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_**I Thought of this while thinking about the rules for Hetalia Heaven, reasons for the Holocaust, and how cute Russia was coming out of England's floor.**_

Blaming Bankers

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**Germany** – Wait! I've got a new plan... It's all Switzerland's fault!

**Italy** – What is?

**Germany** – World War One!

**Switzerland** – _(Counting money_) How is it my fault you lost? I'm the neutral one!

**Germany** – You, filthy banker, funded my enemies! You and them should rot in hell.

S**witzerland** – Don't you remember who your enemies were, you crazy nazi?

**Germany** – _(sudden anger depletion)_ Um... England right?

**Switzerland** – _(sigh)_ You of all people ought to remember, Germany _(grabs __**Italy**__, who had been crying ever since __**Germany**__ damned him)_

**Germany** – Oh God. Not _you _Italy!

**Italy** – I _(sniff)_ I though you liked me. _(sniff)_

**Germany** – I did- er do! I do like you!

**Italy** – But...

**Germany** – I take it back.

**England** – _(runs across stage in terror)_ Listen to him! He took it back!

**Russia** – _(chasing England)_ No, you're my property now!

**Switzerland** – Now look what you've done!

**Germany** – Oh, as long a Italy forgives me...

**Italy** – I do! _(hugs __**Germany**__)_

**Germany** – _(hugs back)_ Yah, it's still the Jews' fault.

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_**To me 'capitulation' sounds like a dirty word, so I wrote this.**_

Japan's Plan to Sail the Ocean Blue, in 1942

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**Italy** – Oh boy, Only a year left!

**Germany** – Till what?

**Italy** – Till I capi-

**Germany** – _(hands to ears)_ No! Don't say that. It hurts my ears!

**Italy** – _(unfazed, goes to Japan)_ –tulate!

**Japan** – Er, that's great Italy, but don't you think you ought to consider...

**Italy** – Never! This war is horrible! Everybody picks on me! _(glances to __**Germany**__)_

**Germany** – _(to his army)_ Kay, guys. Today we're heading into Italy to kill their Jews.

**Italy** – _(looks back to __**Japan**__)_ Everybody does.

**Japan** – But I thought your boss was on Germany's boss's wave-length?

**Italy** – I never send I minded Germany's _invasions_.

**Japan** – _(uncomfortable) _Uh-er... I see. I've gotta go!

**Italy** – Where?

**Japan**- _(regains composure)_To America. It's time he stopped ignoring us!

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_**I thought of this since in History, we're learning about racism and immigration before and after the Civil War.**_

Immigration Problems

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**China** – Hey America, may I stay at your house?

**America** – No! (turns to Ireland and Germany) Hey guys! Welcome back! I'm guessing you need to stay at my Fortress of Solitude?

**Germany** and **Ireland** – Yes please.

**America** – Go ahead (opens the door for them)

**China** – What the heck? How come I can't come in then?

**America** – Oh, didn't you hear me? This is the Fortress of S_olitude_.

**China** – Then why did you let them in?

**America** – Because they're European.

**China** – And?

**America** - ...I don't know.

**China** – Racist bastard

**America** – Yes, I am.

(Scene Two)

**Germany** – Hey America, give me a job.

**America**- Ok, go on the slippery roof and clean the gutter.

**Germany** – What? But it's raining...!

**America**- The roof or money. You're choice

**Germany** – Dammit.

**Ireland** – Hey America, give me a job

**America** – Go fix my car

**Ireland** – Yes sir!

**Germany** – What the hell? I'm ten times better at that then him!

**America** – But your so... German.

**Germany** – And?

**America** – I don't know.

**Germany** – Racist wurst-head.

**America** – I'm _also_ a Hero.

**China** and **Germany** – You jerk!

**America** – You should see what I do to Africa.

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_**I came up with this after a discussion with my mom in the car, and then I wrote France's part just because I had to.**_

Caucasians and Beauty Contests

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**America** – Why are we Caucasians? It's sounds kinda funny.

**England** – Because people decided the best of us come from Caucasus.

**America** – Where's that?

**Russia** – Me!

**Switzerland** – _('objection' pose)_ I'm twice as beautiful as you!

**France** – Lets have a beauty contest! There can be a swim-suit competition, and a strea-

**England** – And! A question-answer. }

**Russia** – And its to cold for bathing-suits! } _(All uncomfortable)_

**Switzerland** – And to cold for streaking! }

**France** – Fine, I'm the most beautiful! Beauty was invented in Orleans, you know.

**Switzerland** and **Russia** – Not in our languages!

**France** – Except western Switzerland.

**Switzerland** - Oui- I mean si- I mean... oh fine, you win

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_**Other Notes : Italy surrendered September 8 1942, and in Russian beauty is 'красота', Swiss people would use 'belle'(Italian), 'schönheit' (German), and of course 'beaute', which is (French) where we picked up 'beauty'. **_


End file.
